Is saving face the same as lying? Help

honestly i think you're overthinking it a bit. saving face isn't really about lying, it's about keeping the interaction smooth and not making anyone feel bad. the barber prob didn't want to tell you his business was dying while you're sitting in his chair, that's just awkward for everyone. the security guard thing is classic thai too, they'd rather give a vague gesture than admit they don't know cause it feels like they're letting you down

the girlfriend stuff is trickier though. some thai people will tell you what they think you wanna hear early on, especially if they're trying to keep things harmonious. it's not malicious but it can feel like lying when you're used to direct western honesty. takes time to learn when someone's actually telling you something vs just being polite

fwiw this happens across all classes, just looks different. rich people do it more smoothly like deflecting with a joke or changing the subject. the king thing is a weird question but yeah the whole system is built on not openly criticising authority so that's a whole other level of face

you're not an idiot, just culture shock. give it a year and you'll start reading the signs better. the barber thing still stings though, i get that

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yeah it's not really lying, more like a whole different approach to what "truth" even means in conversation. thai social harmony is the priority, so saying something that causes discomfort or loss of face is avoided even if it's factually wrong. your barber probably felt ashamed to say he was struggling, so he said fine. the guard would rather point vaguely than admit he didn't know, because that would make him look incompetent.

you'll notice this even in simple stuff like asking for the price of something. a thai person might say "not far" when it's actually a 20 minute walk, because saying "far" sounds negative or lazy. it's not malicious, it's just a different code for what's appropriate to say out loud.

your girlfriend's version of truth might be more about protecting the relationship's smoothness than factual accuracy. that's pretty normal here across all income levels, though educated or wealthy thais might be more careful about when they do it. the king is a whole separate topic, but even there the same social rules apply in how people talk about him. you're not an idiot, you're just learning a new language of social interaction

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yeah you're not an idiot, it's just a different code. one thing that helped me was realizing that in thai social logic, saying something that's technically false to keep the mood pleasant isn't really seen as a lie the way we see it. it's more like they're prioritizing the relationship over the fact. your barber probably felt that telling you the truth would make you feel bad for him or obligated to help, so he gave you the version that let you both walk away happy

the security guard thing is super common at places like siam paragon or even the bts stations. they'd rather do a vague hand gesture than say "i don't know" because admitting ignorance makes them look unreliable. you'll notice thai people will sometimes laugh nervously or say "mai pen rai" when they're lost too

about your girlfriend, thai women especially can be flexible with truth early on to avoid creating tension. it's not malicious, it's just a different baseline for what honesty means in a relationship. if she said something that seemed off later, it was probably about keeping the moment smooth rather than building a factual record

the king thing is a whole other zone, you'll basically never get a real answer about royalty from anyone. even hi-so people at emquartier will just smile and change the subject if you push it

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Krua Dok Mai Kao is solid but I've always found their som tam a bit tame on the pla ra. If you want the real funky version, try the shophouse spots along Soi Udomsuk 26, near the night market end. They pound it fresh with fermented fish that'll clear your sinuses, and it's like 60 baht. Different style from the On Nut places, more Lao-leaning.

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for som tam specifically i'd say the Isaan spots in Chatuchak are underrated, weekdays only though since the weekend crowd ruins the vibe. there's a stall near gate 2 that does tam pa with fermented bamboo shoots, super sour and funky, not something you see much in On Nut. if you're already heading north for Or Tor Kor anyway its worth the detour.

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honestly the som tam at Krua Dok Mai Kao is good but what got me hooked is their nam prik pla raa dip with the raw veggies, that funk hits way harder than the papaya does. think most people sleep on it cuz they just order the som tam and gai yang. also pro tip, go before noon on weekdays, after that teh pla ra gets milder cuz they batch it for the lunch rush

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