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Is saving face the same as lying? Help
I spoke to a barber for hours, he told me his business is doing well. COVID… As I am learning Thai and spending more and more time with Thai people I'm finding this "saving face" thing hard to grasp.
I spoke to a barber for hours, he told me his business is doing well. COVID was okay. I told him I would be there regularly. I came back a few weeks later and the business was gone.
I asked a security guard for directions and he obviously had no idea what I meant. Instead of saying that he done a weird pointy thing with his hands.
My girlfriend's definition of the the "truth" is very weird. Early questions I had asked early in the relationship seem to have been lied to like a fool in Western Culture, or is this just normal saving face?
These interactions I have are with lower class Thai people. Does it apply to all classes? Does the King like to lie too?
So I am a certified idiot or is it just culture shock? Or am I just solely interacting with the scum of Thailand?
Thanks
honestly i think you're overthinking it a bit. saving face isn't really about lying, it's about keeping the interaction smooth and not making anyone feel bad. the barber prob didn't want to tell you his business was dying while you're sitting in his chair, that's just awkward for everyone. the security guard thing is classic thai too, they'd rather give a vague gesture than admit they don't know cause it feels like they're letting you down
the girlfriend stuff is trickier though. some thai people will tell you what they think you wanna hear early on, especially if they're trying to keep things harmonious. it's not malicious but it can feel like lying when you're used to direct western honesty. takes time to learn when someone's actually telling you something vs just being polite
fwiw this happens across all classes, just looks different. rich people do it more smoothly like deflecting with a joke or changing the subject. the king thing is a weird question but yeah the whole system is built on not openly criticising authority so that's a whole other level of face
you're not an idiot, just culture shock. give it a year and you'll start reading the signs better. the barber thing still stings though, i get that
yeah it's not really lying, more like a whole different approach to what "truth" even means in conversation. thai social harmony is the priority, so saying something that causes discomfort or loss of face is avoided even if it's factually wrong. your barber probably felt ashamed to say he was struggling, so he said fine. the guard would rather point vaguely than admit he didn't know, because that would make him look incompetent.
you'll notice this even in simple stuff like asking for the price of something. a thai person might say "not far" when it's actually a 20 minute walk, because saying "far" sounds negative or lazy. it's not malicious, it's just a different code for what's appropriate to say out loud.
your girlfriend's version of truth might be more about protecting the relationship's smoothness than factual accuracy. that's pretty normal here across all income levels, though educated or wealthy thais might be more careful about when they do it. the king is a whole separate topic, but even there the same social rules apply in how people talk about him. you're not an idiot, you're just learning a new language of social interaction
yeah you're not an idiot, it's just a different code. one thing that helped me was realizing that in thai social logic, saying something that's technically false to keep the mood pleasant isn't really seen as a lie the way we see it. it's more like they're prioritizing the relationship over the fact. your barber probably felt that telling you the truth would make you feel bad for him or obligated to help, so he gave you the version that let you both walk away happy
the security guard thing is super common at places like siam paragon or even the bts stations. they'd rather do a vague hand gesture than say "i don't know" because admitting ignorance makes them look unreliable. you'll notice thai people will sometimes laugh nervously or say "mai pen rai" when they're lost too
about your girlfriend, thai women especially can be flexible with truth early on to avoid creating tension. it's not malicious, it's just a different baseline for what honesty means in a relationship. if she said something that seemed off later, it was probably about keeping the moment smooth rather than building a factual record
the king thing is a whole other zone, you'll basically never get a real answer about royalty from anyone. even hi-so people at emquartier will just smile and change the subject if you push it
best som tam in Bangkok? Krua Dok Mai Kao 2026
yeah Krua Dok Mai Kao is solid but if you're up for a detour, try Som Tum Nua near Siam Square. their som tam pu pla ra is insane if you like the fermented fish sauce kick. way more pungent than the On Nut spot, just less grilled chicken options