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Thai wedding traditional, Dowry/Sinsod: Is it non-sense?! From a Thai Woman's Perspective.
I'm a female medical doctor based in Thailand, and I've been in a relationship with my American boyfriend for three years. He is truly a remarkable and royal person, but I've found that he relies on me financially and doesn't help much around housework. I find myself went through many difficult times and financial difficulties, I've been committed to protect our relationship, to love and to serve him. I always make sure he lives comfortable here, all without asking for anything in return. I never request expensive gifts from him, so I hope it's clear that my intentions are not like those of some who may seek out foreigners for financial gain.
Now please hear from his side (To be fair) he can't contribute financially because he's in Thailand on a student visa and is unable to apply for jobs. I fully supported his MBA studies, covering all his educational expenses and living costs.) I learned to live with the fact that it's my responsibility to manage all the bills. Not just his education, but his life styles, his gifts and ect.
After three years of my hard work and sacrifices, I finally expressed to him the importance of having our Thai wedding ceremony done properly, which will cost around 200,000 Thai Baht. I assured him that he wouldn't need to prepare a substantial dowry, and there's no rush, he has 6 to 12 months to get ready for it.
His response was a politely refuse to spend his savings on the Thai wedding ceremony, as he wants to prioritize saving for our future home in the U.S. To clarify, he is not broke; he has savings and investments. However, he feels uncomfortable using his funds on me or our wedding.
It truly breaks my heart because I've been willing to put myself under many difficult times for him, I'm a medical doctor working six days a week, and I often come home to various household tasks while also studying for my future career. Despite my busy schedule, I make it a priority to take responsibility for our relationship. AND NOW all I ask is for him to have our Thai wedding ceremony done properly before we start a family. I made it clear to him, "I cannot carry your child without a proper Thai wedding ceremony first.
He seems to disagreed to the wedding ceremony due to financial concerns, yet still expects me to carry his future children. This feels disrespectful to me, and I can't help but feel used. He wants the best partner possible but is only willing to contribute at the bare minimum.
I feel a bit embarrassed to bring this up on Reddit, but I'm feeling alone and uncertain about whether I'm being a bad girlfriend. Are there any insights from a male perspective that I should consider before making a decision that could impact our relationship forever? I would really appreciate your help.
You've given him three years of full financial support while working yourself to the bone, and now he won't touch his own savings for something that clearly means a lot to you culturally. That's not about the money itself, it's about what the willingness to spend it represents.
I know plenty of foreign men in Bangkok who came here with nothing and figured out how to contribute meaningfully to their Thai partner's wedding expectations, even if it meant a smaller ceremony or longer timeline. The visa situation is real, but plenty of students here pick up freelance English tutoring or online work on the side.
You're a doctor working six days a week. That alone tells me you're not the problem here. The issue is that you've set a standard where your sacrifices are expected and his are optional, and that pattern rarely corrects itself after marriage.
ngl the sinsod debate gets way too simplified online but your situation is different from the usual gold digger narrative people assume. you're a doctor funding his entire life and he's sitting on savings while you work six days a week, that's not about cultural tradition vs modern values, that's about basic reciprocity.
a few things stand out to me as someone who lives here. first, the student visa thing is a partial excuse, he can do remote work for US companies or freelance english tutoring online, tons of students in bangkok do it. second, 200k baht for a proper wedding is actually pretty reasonable, i've seen farang guys drop that on a single weekend at khao san road. third, the fact that he wants kids but won't do the ceremony says more about his willingness to compromise than anything about sinsod itself.
you might want to think about what happens if you do have kids with him and move to the US. if he's this reluctant to spend now when you're the main breadwinner, will he step up when you're on maternity leave and can't work? the pattern you've set up where your sacrifices are normal and his are optional usually gets worse, not better.
Honestly, it sounds like you've been the one carrying this relationship for years, not him. A man who watches you work six days a week as a doctor while he studies and then refuses to spend any of his own savings on a wedding that matters to you... that's a pretty clear sign of where his priorities are. You're not being a bad girlfriend, you're being taken for granted.
best som tam in Bangkok? Krua Dok Mai Kao 2026
yeah Krua Dok Mai Kao is solid but if you're up for a detour, try Som Tum Nua near Siam Square. their som tam pu pla ra is insane if you like the fermented fish sauce kick. way more pungent than the On Nut spot, just less grilled chicken options