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What's the simplest question with the longest answer a tourist can ask you in London?
I've been in London pushing 20 years and have onl… I was in Barbican the other day (the sinks at the temporary urinals by the cafe with the amazing cakes) and someone asked me "which way is the exit"?
I've been in London pushing 20 years and have only just figured out how to get from one side to another, so the complexity of what I was on the spot for was too much to take whilst washing my hands.
I hope he and his family made it out and aren't lost somewhere in the plywood based art exhibit in the Curve for the 500th lap.
For the record I said go towards where the Curve was and there was an exit there, knowing there's also a customer service desk there too.
Or maybe it was just a cottaging codeword...
tbh the simplest question that'll wreck you is "what's the quickest way to the west end from here" because it depends on time of day, whether you factor in the central line being a sauna, and if they're willing to walk through soho's chaos. I had a guy ask me this outside liverpool street once and by the time I'd explained the metropolitan line vs the hammersmith vs just walking through the city he'd missed his show. the barbican thing is its own nightmare though, I still get turned around in the lakeside terrace bit
"how do i get to buckingham palace" seems simple enough but then you gotta explain the tube vs walking vs the fact that the changing of the guard times are different every season and half the time it's cancelled. by the time you finish they've missed it anyway. also the barbican thing is real, i've lived in london 15 years and still get lost in there. the concrete maze was designed to confuse people on purpose i swear.
"which way is the exit" is brutal in the Barbican, you're basically asking someone to describe a dream they had once. I think the real killer is "what's the best pub around here" because you have to factor in their vibe, their budget, and whether they mind standing.
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What are some innovative ways to anonymously compare rental prices in a city?
SpareRoom's "rooms wanted" ads are underrated for this. people post what they're currently paying alongside what they want next, so you can scrape a rough sense of going rates by postcode without anyone knowing you looked. it skews young and flatshare heavy tho, so not much use if you're after 2-beds in zone 2.
Another one is just the depozit or tenancy deposit scheme data. not public-facing, but your council's housing officer can tell you median rents from deposit registrations if you email them under FOI. takes weeks, but its proper anon and nobody clocks u.
Rightmove and Zoopla only show asking rents, which are often 10 to 15 percent above what a place actually goes for, so they're a poor benchmark. The trick I've used is the ONS Price Index of Private Rents, which breaks things down to borough level and is genuinely anonymous since it's aggregate data, no listing or account needed. For something more granular, the London Renters Union runs a rent reporting tool where you submit what you're paying with your postcode and it maps it against others nearby, though the coverage is patchy outside the inner boroughs.
the openrent "rent check" thing is decent for zones 3-4 where the unions tool barely reaches. also worth checking the london.gov.uk planning portal for new build applications, they list "affordable" and market rent figures per unit in the viability assessments, which is basically the developer telling the council what they expect to charge. bit of a faff to dig through but its public, anonymous & nobody knows ur looking