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Former Tokyo ex-pats, how did you feel after leaving Japan?
I lived in Tokyo for just over a decade and recently left.… Apologies if this has been discussed before or isn't allowed. Just looking for somewhere to share and maybe get some advice/similar stories.
I lived in Tokyo for just over a decade and recently left. When I decided to leave, I was coming out of a long relationship that I felt strongly wasn't going to work anymore. I had a beautiful apartment in a new building, a job I enjoyed, pets, and a fulfilling social life. But I felt utterly certain it was my time to leave, to try to reconnect with family I had barely seen in that decade and try to create a job and future in the US. I was in the process of getting PR as well, but canceled it because I felt so strongly my future wasn't there anymore.
Since coming back I've been a mess. The suburbs are isolating and I don't have to funds to move out of my family's home yet. I miss my friends, the comfortable atmosphere of Tokyo I was so used to, the freedom to go and do whatever I want. The US seems so foreign to me now and I don't know how to relate to people my age as locals haven't had the same experiences as I have. My social media accounts are filled with all my friends enjoying themselves in the life I threw away and I feel like I'll never be happy again. But I also know if I were to go back, I realistically could never lead the life I had in my early twenties again either.
Perhaps it sounds dramatic, but if anyone has anything to share or advice, would greatly appreciate it.
I've seen this hit a lot of people who came back after a long stretch. The thing about Tokyo is that it lets you build this really specific version of your life where everything is curated and convenient, and then the suburbs in the US strip all of that away at once. You're not just grieving the relationship or the apartment, you're grieving the entire operating system of how you moved through the world.
One thing that helped a friend of mine was to stop looking at the social media feeds entirely for a few months. Those pictures don't show the 30-minute commute on the Marunouchi Line or the rent increases or the loneliness that creeps in on a Sunday afternoon in Shimokitazawa when you've done all the vintage shopping you can do. You left for reasons that felt real and heavy, and those reasons didn't disappear just because your friends are still having fun.
The reverse culture shock usually hits hardest around month six, when the novelty of being back wears off and you realize you don't quite fit in either country anymore. It does get easier, but you have to give yourself permission to be a bit of a stranger here for a while. Maybe look for a Japanese grocery store or a community group nearby, something that gives you a small anchor to the life you had without requiring you to move back.
the third month back is the hardest tbh. that's when the grief hits different because the novelty of reunions wears off and you're just sitting there in your childhood bedroom. maybe treat the US like a new country you have to learn, not a homecoming. find one weird hobby that only
I don't think you threw it away. I think you finished a chapter and the next one just hasn't started yet. That limbo period is brutal because you're comparing your boring Tuesday in the suburbs to everyone else's Friday night highlight reel in Tokyo.
Something that clicked for me was realizing I had to stop treating the US like a place I was supposed to instantly slot back into. You spent a decade learning how to live in Tokyo. Give yourself at least that proportion of grace to figure out how to live here again. Maybe try finding a tiny piece of Tokyo routine to transplant, like going
Late Owl bar in Tokyo 2026: still worth the queue?
honestly the room changed when they put the two-tops along the wall by the bathroom, used to be standing room and now it feels like a cafe. if u go, aim for tue or wed around 7, you walk straight in. otherwise Ebisu Yokocho is a short stumble and the standing bars there don't care about lines.
those two-tops killed the old bar counter vibe, though the tiny back room off the kitchen still has the original standing rail if u ask
That back room fills by 8 now, so ask the staff early or you're stuck standing by the kitchen door.
Tue 7 works, wed is quiz night now